Whatever is driving you, you do it because you could not wait any longer until the time is right because it never will be perfectly right. It’s right, right now. You do it because you believe you can.
So here you are. And quitting isn’t an option. Not because you are stubborn. Not because you don’t know when to quit. But because it never entered your mind.
What you didn’t expect is the ongoing battle. With yourself. Every day either a victory or a seemingly epic fail. In truth, the middle of the road days of steady accomplishment happen all the time, but it’s the major leaps — in either direction — that stick with you. You are either celebrating or crawling into bed. You never understood that this effort includes talking yourself into what you are doing, like a crazy person, talking yourself up all. the. damn. time. Looking for signs to confirm you are on the right path. Consulting your horoscope and a psychic or two and even when the entire universe is indeed conspiring — you still have moments, hours, entire days when you are racked with self-doubt and insecurity. Of non-belief and what was I thinking?
You may know you have climbed higher — actually made great progress, yet when you look out for a vantage point you see nothing but fog.
For the most part, you feel good. Like you are winning. Because you aren’t failing. And winning is the opposite of failing. And let’s face it, you’ve always been a bit of a winner. So that counts for something.
At the end of each week I tell myself I could have never imagined it would be this difficult or I could never have imagined it would be this easy. Either way, I persevere because that’s what it takes to make something out of nothing.
You can do this. In fact, you are the only one who can.
Early on in my personal spiritual journey, I went through a phase of watching and reading stories of NDE’s or near death experiences. It was an integral part of shedding my ingrained catholic beliefs of heaven and hell and life ending at death.
This led me to the work of Dr. Michael Newton (Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives), which quite literally blew my mind and made me eager to experience my own past life regression; which I later did with the fabulous Nancy Hajek right here in Nashville.
In the forward to Frank Ostaskeski’s beautiful book, The Five Invitations* is this quote by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.:
Chances are until you have experienced that one great loss, this will read to you as more ominous than catalytic. Like grief itself, these types of statements can’t fully be absorbed and understood until you experience them yourself.
We can get attached to who we think we are. We can be downright stubborn about it. Our identity seamlessly and completely intertwined with what we do. What we do becomes what we are. But what if what we do is taken away from us in the blink of an eye? Who are we then?
In the words of Chinese Philosopher Lao Tzu: