This year I will get out of the way. I will let go of the ego that has been formed and influenced by others; as a defense, as an offense, as a way of coping, as a way of hiding, as a way of protecting, as a way of standing out or fitting in. Of the mind that forms opinions or has an immediate reaction to something or someone and thinks it always knows exactly what is best (for you or for me).
I will dedicate myself to the practice of taming the unwanted and constant stream of incessant mental chatter, often accompanied by a soundtrack — the song stuck in my head and playing on repeat. It is always interfering. With sleep, with productivity and most especially with creativity. I will practice sitting behind it all and tune in instead to how I am feeling. And when all else fails I will turn inward to the sound of my inner voice, my eternal and wise ancestors, my guides and my highest self; there whenever I need them.
This year I will get out of the way. I will relinquish control of taking charge of it all. I will resist the urge to force things to happen or to figure out how I will get to where I want to be. I will work on allowing. Trusting with every fiber of my being that everything — even the times when it seems all is wrong or lost — everything is there to help me stretch and grow to my next evolution. I will replace any fear with the knowing that I am being held by a love that is astounding and that all I need to do to feel it is to close my eyes and let it in.
This year I will gently and consistently remind my stubborn Aries heart that my thoughts are creating my world, not my actions. And that action is effortless when it is driven by inspiration, or “breathing in spirit.” I will shift my well conditioned mind away from the sense of accomplishment that comes from a checked off to-do list; aiming instead to place value on whether or not I feel deep appreciation for where I am in the moment. I will look forward instead to the action that comes as a result of enjoying what I have created; because what is the point in creating if you do not take time to enjoy it?
Most importantly, this year I will relinquish my obsession with time. Working consciously to replace the tired and worn script that is always in the background saying: “time is flying by” and “there’s not enough time in the day.” I will reach for this thought instead: time is a concept humans made to drive us harder and push us faster. Spirit intends that you slow down and relish what is around you.
This year I will get out of the way. I will get out of my own way, allowing life to unfold before me. I will strive for the internal peace that can only be found by living in the now; expecting nothing but the chance to experience the magic and awe of life’s seeming coincidences. This year I choose to live my life as though everything is a miracle. Because I finally understand that it is.
P.S. The photo was taken of the sunrise on January 1, 2018 from my bedroom window
I held onto my secrets for years. Decades, actually. And there are many reasons why. Reasons that anyone who has endured it — lived it — will understand. But only those who have endured it — lived it — will.
I’m writing this for everyone else.
I love you, but I’ve got to let you go.
Each time our paths cross I open my heart with renewed hope that it will be different somehow. And each time I walk away feeling empty.
My dear (____________), I realize now that at some point, I gave away my power to you. I was rebuilding my life, creating it piece by piece, and in all of its uncertainty and tender roots, I shyly let a chosen few in to tread softly and take a peek. I wanted to share my trepidation and fear and doubt and exhilaration and sheer anticipation with you. So I gave you permission to validate me. In no small way I longed for it. But it never came.